Vince Vaughn...

It was 6:30pm. Ricca and Alex had both had two drinks and for once, I was fully sober. With 30 minutes of happy hour remaining, we briskly hiked across the street to capitalize on the $3 appetizers we recently discovered at the Daily Grill. Unfortunately, Happy Hour was over before it began because sitting at the bar enjoying her very own $3 appetizers was one of Ricca's friends who she was determined to avoid at all costs. Houston's became our new destination. As soon as we arrived, we took a seat at a prime table near the bar and ordered our first round of drinks. Alex wasted no time scoping out the scene and quickly determined there was no one worth talking to in the entire room. It was soon after that, that I spotted a guy wearing a white polo shirt seated at the bar; Vince Vaughn. No, not THE Vince Vaughn but a guy who resembled Vince in that tall, goofy, meaty "Wedding Crashers" kind of way. I thought he had potential and Alex saw that he didn't have a wedding ring so he became our target and thus, our night officially began.

The new Alex who has recently developed the courage to walk up to attractive men and introduce herself, tried desperately to convince me to make the first move. Unfortunately, I'm more of a sit back and do absolutely nothing until he approaches me kind of gal so nothing is what I did. Ricca in the meantime surprised us both by taking the proactive approach of stumbling right in to Vince's large Samoan friend. She apologized, introduced herself and within minutes our waitress brought over a chilled bottle of Chardonnay courtesy of our new Samoan friend, Fred. Just as the wine was being poured, a freshly shaven Ernesto walked through the door and joined in on our free bottle of wine. Soon after, Mazda Mike arrived and our party of four became a party of five.

It' was 8:30pm and rather than ordering food at Houston’s we decided to wait until 9pm so that we could take advantage of the late night happy hour at the Daily Grill. This time nothing would stand inbetween us and our $3 appetizers! A drunk Ricca paid for our bill and as we thanked her, Fred approached the table and offered us another bottle of wine. Unable to refuse a free drink, the five of us accepted his offer and toasted to our new friend, Fred. In gratitude for his generosity, we proceed to talk up Fred and probe him for information on his shy, uncommunicative friend Vince. Turns out they're business partners who were at Houstons entertaining clients and yes, Vince was single. By now, Ricca was so drunk that the empty wine bottle had become her favorite prop and unable to put it down, she began flailing it all over the place as she talked and we all watched nervously. Ricca, put the bottle down! It was time to eat. As we gathered our belongings and walked out the door we ran into Vince who had gone outside to meet another client. The chatty Alex wasted no time filling him in on our plans to change venues, “You guys should join us” she said as we stared in awe of her brave invitation. He said he’d see if his friends were up for it, then we said our goodbyes and I assumed we’d never again see Vince or Fred or their clients.

The daily Grill was not nearly as crowded as it had been earlier that day. Ricca's friend had left and apparently everyone else had followed! As we found a table to call our very own, Alex found a stool next to a handsome stranger eating alone at the bar. We ordered a plethora of appetizers: shrimp, calamari, burgers, etc. and a round of drinks which put me two drinks over the original two drinks I had set out to consume. As we waited for the food to arrive, Ernesto noticed what could only be described as a “pocket gay” at the end of the bar. The pocket gay was with a pretty lady friend so Ricca asked them to join us. They were all too happy to oblige and before long the pocket gay was comfortably nuzzled in-between Ernesto and Mike. “Are you a Libra? Oh My God, I’m a Libra. I LOVE Libras!” said the pocket gay as Ernesto laughed in amusement and Mike looked on in disbelief. His pretty lady friend sat next to me and before long she was my new BFF inviting me to the Toscana pool party and the Queen Mary to meet her Husband’s friends. We exchanged numbers and just as she was getting ready to leave, Vince and his posse walked through the door and back into our lives.

Vince took a seat next to me, Fred and his client sat across from us and a big guy in a bright pink shirt sat behind them at the bar looking over all of us as if he was their bodyguard. Turns out Vince is really shy, a man of few words. Fred on the other hand wouldn’t stop talking! From the corner of my eye I saw Alex’s handsome stranger leave and then my attention was directed towards Alex who had just broken into a victory dance in the middle of the bar accompanied by a joyous declaration that she had scheduled a date with the handsome stranger at the bar! As we all cheered for her grand accomplishment, Fred announced that they were going to Tentation and would like for us to join them. I don’t love Tentaion, so we graciously declined and opted to stay where we were. To my complete surprise, Vince also declined and stayed behind talking to me. Suddenly it became clear... Vince liked me. And in typical Mairim fashion, I was suddenly NOT so interested. You know how the more you drink, the more attractive people become. Well, all of the alcohol I was consuming was producing the reverse effect on me and with every sip of wine, Vince was looking not so much like Vince and much more like the ugly soon-to-be-dad in “Knocked Up”. I clearly wouldn’t be getting on the board that night! However, the other end of the table could easily rack up a few points because Pocket Gay was falling deeper and deeper in love with Ernesto and he wasn’t making any attempt to conceal it! Ahhhh, to be little and gay!

Ricca started to dose off. Alex wanted to go home to rest up for impending date. And I was ready to get rid of Vince. Our night was coming to an end. “I hope I don’t get another DUI” said Vince as he got up to leave. Yep, I sure know how to pick them! I walked out with him, gave him a firm handshake and said goodbye to Vince forever.

This morning I went to breakfast with Ernesto and Ricca. We sat inside the Corner Bakery and laughed as we reminisced about Vince, Fred, the handsome stranger at the bar and the pocket gay. “What was Vince’s real name?” asked Ernesto. Dead silence. I completely forgot his name. Well, needless to say I’m still not on the Dating Marathon scoreboard since my romance with Vince proved to be short lived. Maybe next time I’ll meet someone that I actually like as much up close as I do from a far.

Andrew! His real name was Andrew.