I use to be indecisive, but now, I don’t know…

Tonight, I find myself awake at 3:42 am suffering from a bad case of insomnia. As Larry lay comfortably on my bed with his head gently nestled on my pillow, his heavy breathing and sporadic snores serve as a reminder of all of the sleep that I am currently NOT getting! I can’t remember the last time I had a good night sleep. I take that back… I had a few glasses of wine on Friday night and didn’t wake up until noon on Saturday! I thought about having a drink earlier tonight as I was watching the Bachelor but I couldn’t decide on what I wanted so I stuck to the water that was already sitting in front of me. Bad decision. I’ve never been good at making decisions. It’s my greatest weakness, but I like to think I’m getting better at it. Let’s just say, I use to be indecisive, but now, I don’t know.

Disillusioned

Short Hair

It all started the day Ricca returned from Beijing. We were lying on her surprisingly comfortable air mattress discussing everything from the Great Wall of China to knock-off Gucci bags, when we stumbled upon the topic of hair. Next thing you knew we were rummaging through old magazines in search of the perfect cut. It didn’t take long before I stumbled upon a picture of Rihanna in an old issue of US Magazine. I quickly became obsessed. I was tempted to make an appointment ASAP in order to get it cut before I changed my mind but the fear of regret was far too vast to ignore so I decided to let the idea of short hair marinate. I spent the next two weeks trying to envision myself with Rihanna’s hair. I told everyone who would listen about my plans to drastically shorten the lengths of my long locks but rather than try to detour me, my friends and family encouraged me to do it. So… I did it!

As soon as I walked into the salon I was consumed by a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I took out the Rihanna picture and showed my stylist. “I can easily be talked out of this!” I told her secretly hoping that she would advice me against it. She didn’t. Less than an hour later my cut was complete so I stepped out of the chair and over the lifeless long brown strands of hair that had so solemnly come to rest on the salon floor.

Yep, I now have short hair!

Hair Petting

Apparently I pet my hair… it’s true! I have no idea when or how it started but it was recently brought to my attention and now that I’ve become conscious about it, I catch myself playing with my long brown tresses several times a day! MM and E were the first to point it out. They say I primarily do it in the company of men… I do it when I see an attractive guy, I do it when I’m approached by a guy, I do it when I’m conversing with a guy, I do it when I’m at a bar with a drink in my hand, when I’m laughing, when I’m nervous, when I’m bored and especially when I’m flirting! It’s my thing. I have it down to a science. I tilt my head, smile and gently twirl my locks between my fingers. I am officially claiming the title of “Hair Petter” (Is “petter” even a word?)!

Friday The 13th

On our drive up to Long Beach on Friday night, I began to reminisce about my college days and all the nights we spent out on the town living for the moment! Back then it was not considered unusual to go to a bar, get drunk, meet a guy and end up making out with him before the night was over. We were young, carefree and adventurous! It occurred to me that as we’ve aged, we have become much more guarded with our actions and overtly concerned with how others perceive us. Instead of becoming less inhibited, we’ve become increasingly judgmental. So as we sipped our pre-party cocktails at Alex’s bachelorette pad that evening, we decided it was time to revert to our old college ways!

The prize was $100 and the winner would be the first person to make out with someone at the Auld Dubliner Pub. The rules were simple; you could do anything to win except tell the person you were making out with about the bet. With all the parameters of the wager established, we were off (and armed with our blue plastic cup roadies) to make things happen in the LBC!

As it turns out, acting like a pack of audacious college kids comes easy to this group. It was like riding a bike and no one was in need of training wheels! Less than an hour after arriving, Mandeep was caught leaning on a wall with her lips pressed up against her very own 21-year-old boy-toy. Shortly after that, I spotted Ricca out in the Patio covertly kissing Dallas, a 45-year-old we later determined was actually 38. Alex meanwhile was dirty dancing on the dance floor with her mouth and arms all over Greg, an engineer from Hermosa Beach. Just when I thought I had seen it all, I noticed Mandeep had ditched her boy-toy and replaced him with our very own Ernesto (despite the fact that he’s gay), and suddenly there was a serious groping competition on the dance floor!

Where was I in all this? I was sober, observing my friends in their uninhibited state and conversing with Alex’s tall friend, Jeff, who amid all the action had managed to steal my attention. As I nursed my Heffenweiser, I took pleasure in watching the night unravel and by the evening’s end, Mandeep, Alex, Ricca and Ernesto had all managed to score points for their random hookups. I on the other hand kept my lips to myself but did divulge my phone number to Jeff before we parted ways.

Needless to say... I didn't win the bet!

Reoccurring Nightmare

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat, panic stricken and distressed as the result of a nightmare that seemed to have an all-too-familiar theme. The dream began with my now ex-husband and I frolicking at the beach and culminated with my agonizing discovery of a text message on his phone alluding to an affair. It has been over a year since this ACTUALLY occurred in real life… and while I feel like I’ve managed to move past the heartbreak and humiliation that can only come from infidelity, my subconscious mind feels the need to make me relive some altered variation of that horrendous experience every couple of weeks! Will it EVER stop???

Hot off the press...

In preperation for my job interview on Thursday, I whipped up a press release about my current job search...

Orange County Native Announces Her Departure From Real Estate; Seeks New Career In Public Relations

IRVINE, Calif.—July 09, 2007— M. Bryant, current broker/owner of a successful Orange County based realty company, announced today that she will soon be exiting the real estate industry in pursuit of a challenging and rewarding position in public relations.

The announcement comes amid various reports that the real estate market will continue on the downward spiral it began to take more than a year ago. “I’m looking for a position that offers more stability, longevity and growth potential,” explained Bryant. “Although I've had great success in real estate, it is not something that I can see myself doing long term.”

As her education and earlier employment background reflect, public relations has always held a special place in Bryant’s heart. “I may not have recent traditional public relations experience, but I have the know-how of a PR professional and the dedication it takes to succeed in the business” said Bryant. “I’m an incredibly driven individual who is focused and committed to excelling in the PR industry.”

Aside from having excellent organizational and communication skills, Bryant has valuable experience in the areas of public relations, marketing, advertising, sales, product development and launch, market research, event planning and community involvement. In addition to producing results above and beyond what is expected, she has consistently demonstrated leadership skills in environments where deadlines are a priority and handling multiple jobs simultaneously is the norm.

“I am confident that I possess the creativity, experience and ability it takes to make it in the industry,” declared Bryant. “I’m looking forward to a long and prosperous career in Public Relations.”

Bryant is an alumnus of California State University, Long Beach where she earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism with an emphasis in Public Relations, and a Minor in English, Creative Writing.

# # #

7-7-7

What’s all the fuss with 7-7-7? To me it’s just a Saturday in July but apparently the media has set out to make it a national holiday. I get it… It’s 7-7-7… Jackpot! But seriously, the gaggle of couples flocking to the alter (including Eva and Tony) betting on an everlasting marriage simply because of their “lucky” wedding date are in for quite a revelation! I hate to be the skeptic here but trust me, there are absolutely no guarantees when it comes to love regardless of whether you get married on 7-7-7 or 10-1-05 (my doomful wedding date).

Wisdom Teeth

As I sit at my parents’ house recovering from the two wisdom teeth that were so viciously extracted from my unsuspecting mouth yesterday morning, I find myself once again reflecting on my so-called life. To say the past year has been hard for me would be a colossal understatement.

Let's recap: my seemingly ideal husband cheated on me, I filed for divorce, moved out of my picture perfect “Stepford Wives” house and into an overpriced 1-bedroom condo, I became the primary caregiver of an over-zealous Boston Terrier, the real estate market crashed, I had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder, I gained nearly 15 lbs. and most recently I came to the startling realization that I may need to file for bankruptcy in the very near future!

But here I am… alive, healthy and with two giant holes currently exposed in both corners of my gums! Now I know that having my wisdom teeth removed isn’t exactly equivalent to all the hardships I have recently endured but still I find myself milking my all-too-common dental procedure for much more than it’s worth and enjoying all of the plush comforts of my loving parent’s home. If you ask me, I deserve it! And my parents (bless their hearts) would be the first to agree.

Mom is in the kitchen making dinner. Dad is outside playing with Larry. And I’m on the computer with my “I Love Mom” bell nearby just in case of emergencies. And by emergency I mean in case I get thirsty or hungry or both. So yes, it’s fair to say that while I’ve been dealt numerous bad hands over the past year, I’ve been immensely fortunate when it comes to family. So tonight, as I sleep in my childhood bedroom, I will say a prayer for my parents and thank God for all of their love and support! It feels good to be home again!

Strangers with Alcohol

At the risk of sounding vain and shallow, let me just say that the attendees of our very first Meet-Up Event fell “short” of my expectations. In fact, I’ve never seen so many vertically-challenged men in one place at one time! I was in awe of Ricca and Alex who handled themselves like true professionals and immediately went into work mode as if they were handling a press tour or tradeshow. Very impressive! I on the other hand, found it increasingly difficult to keep a straight face as I hid in a corner behind the fireplace and observed the scene around me. I was in disbelief of the singles pool I had inadvertently become submerged in. Clearly I needed a drink (or four) to make it through this night!

Now I know how this must sound, so before you write me off as completely pompous and superficial, I want to point out that I am fully aware that I too am far from perfect. Trust me I know I come with baggage and yes, I’m the first to admit that my looks have deteriorated a bit in the past year and that I could stand to lose at least 10 pounds. With that being said, there was no way that the strangers that had walked into our lives were people we would normally interact with on a social level. I’m all for expanding my horizons and keeping an open mind but I draw the line at diminutive, spiked-hair, squeaky-voiced men. I could see why some of these individuals were single and I was terrified at the notion that I was one of them.

Which brings me to Rob. At the risk of Rob someday finding his way to my blog, I will keep my thoughts about him to a minimum. Let’s just say he was tall, attractive and seemed normal so I eventually made my way over to him and away from all others. He was actually a really nice guy with a warm smile and perfect teeth. We talked and eventually exchanged numbers and just like that the night was no longer looking so bad. Meanwhile Ricca had migrated towards an incredibly attractive guy in a green v-neck shirt who she soon discovered had a terrible stuttering problem. She was so impressed by his good looks that she was able to ignore the speech impediment and instead focused on taking as many pictures as possible with the new object of her affection.

Before wrapping up our night, I managed to lose my keys only to discover them sitting on a table by the hammock where I had put them earlier while posing for a group photo. Crisis averted! It had been a long night so I said goodbye to all of the strangers with alcohol and ended the evening with my familiar friend, Ricca in an all too familiar manner… at Taco Bell!

Friendly Neighbors

I’m sitting at home recovering from what could best be described as a 3-day drinking bender that began on a boat along the Newport Coast and ended in the pool of our very own Melrose Place mid-rise complex. Although I am still an avid supporter of the 2 drink rule in theory, the reality is that those first two drinks go down far too fast and around my alcohol-driven friends, the tendency is to keep drinking! Let's face it, Ricca and Mike’s new residence could pose a challenge to the new healthy lifestyle I’m striving to adopt...

After a tame night of drinking and dining aboard the Majestic, I woke up Saturday determined to be "healthy". We were crashing the Toscana pool party so I grabbed my big black beach bag and began to pack. As I gathered up the necessary items, towel, sunscreen, camera, I found myself filling an empty water bottle with Malibu Rum. Okay, so that isn’t exactly “healthy” but this shin dig was being thrown by Ernesto’s new pocket gay pal so I was simply planning ahead. When I got to Ricca’s place, I discovered that she too had planned ahead for on her kitchen counter sat a mini Heineken keg… breakfast was served! With a cup of beer down and one for the road, we made our way over to Toscana. Within an hour, I had finished my beer, consumed two rum spiked beverages and eaten a hamburger. So much for being healthy. When the rum ran out, we headed home. I wanted to take a nap but instead I went to Costco with Ricca. We bought lasagna for dinner and pillows for me. Afterwards, we hung out in Mike’s empty room where I accidentally spilled powder sugar brownies on his carpet. “I’m SOOOOOO Sorry!” I’m such a klutz. We went back to my place where I threw the lasagna in the oven and let Mike borrow my dirt devil. Dinner was delicious and we were exhausted so our night came to an early end. I was in bed by 10pm.

Sunday morning I woke up to a breakfast invitation from Ricca. I passed and instead ate a Balance Bar on my way to Ladera for an open house. Bored out of my mind, I tried to convince the crew to drive down and join me but they were far too engrossed in a Paul Walker movie and when it came down to Me vs. Paul, Paul won! After two hours of reading past US Weeklys, playing Soduku and staring at the walls, I decided to lock up and head home. Is Ladera EVER going to sell??? Still attempting to be healthy, I changed and headed out for the gym only to notice that I forgot my iPod so I headed right back home. So much for working out! I was lying on the couch enjoying Celebrity Fit Club (which could very well count as working out), when Mike called. “We’re at the pool, want to join us?” Absolutely. As I walked into the pool courtyard, I was greeted by my three amigos sprawled out on lounge chairs with red plastic cups in hand and an insulated cooler nearby. I had 2 Coronas and a Vodka cocktail before Ernesto made us the best filet mignon I’ve ever had! Drunk and full, we decided it was a good time to swim laps but not before knocking on the door across the hall to invite Kevin, our newest neighbor friend. After swimming, we were wet and tired and prepared to go home but instead wound up sharing a bottle of wine at Kevin’s place. It was Sunday night, and once again, I found myself inebriated and well over my two drink limit.

So here I am now, prepared and raring to recommit to my new healthy lifestyle. I’m reclaiming the two drink rule and keeping my fingers crossed that I can stick to it. I’m entertaining the notion that it is possible to love thy neighbors without drinking thy neighbor’s beer. And if all goes according to plan, my lush tendencies shall begin to disappear and I shall find myself leading a bona fide healthy life amongst all my friendly neighbors!

Vince Vaughn...

It was 6:30pm. Ricca and Alex had both had two drinks and for once, I was fully sober. With 30 minutes of happy hour remaining, we briskly hiked across the street to capitalize on the $3 appetizers we recently discovered at the Daily Grill. Unfortunately, Happy Hour was over before it began because sitting at the bar enjoying her very own $3 appetizers was one of Ricca's friends who she was determined to avoid at all costs. Houston's became our new destination. As soon as we arrived, we took a seat at a prime table near the bar and ordered our first round of drinks. Alex wasted no time scoping out the scene and quickly determined there was no one worth talking to in the entire room. It was soon after that, that I spotted a guy wearing a white polo shirt seated at the bar; Vince Vaughn. No, not THE Vince Vaughn but a guy who resembled Vince in that tall, goofy, meaty "Wedding Crashers" kind of way. I thought he had potential and Alex saw that he didn't have a wedding ring so he became our target and thus, our night officially began.

The new Alex who has recently developed the courage to walk up to attractive men and introduce herself, tried desperately to convince me to make the first move. Unfortunately, I'm more of a sit back and do absolutely nothing until he approaches me kind of gal so nothing is what I did. Ricca in the meantime surprised us both by taking the proactive approach of stumbling right in to Vince's large Samoan friend. She apologized, introduced herself and within minutes our waitress brought over a chilled bottle of Chardonnay courtesy of our new Samoan friend, Fred. Just as the wine was being poured, a freshly shaven Ernesto walked through the door and joined in on our free bottle of wine. Soon after, Mazda Mike arrived and our party of four became a party of five.

It' was 8:30pm and rather than ordering food at Houston’s we decided to wait until 9pm so that we could take advantage of the late night happy hour at the Daily Grill. This time nothing would stand inbetween us and our $3 appetizers! A drunk Ricca paid for our bill and as we thanked her, Fred approached the table and offered us another bottle of wine. Unable to refuse a free drink, the five of us accepted his offer and toasted to our new friend, Fred. In gratitude for his generosity, we proceed to talk up Fred and probe him for information on his shy, uncommunicative friend Vince. Turns out they're business partners who were at Houstons entertaining clients and yes, Vince was single. By now, Ricca was so drunk that the empty wine bottle had become her favorite prop and unable to put it down, she began flailing it all over the place as she talked and we all watched nervously. Ricca, put the bottle down! It was time to eat. As we gathered our belongings and walked out the door we ran into Vince who had gone outside to meet another client. The chatty Alex wasted no time filling him in on our plans to change venues, “You guys should join us” she said as we stared in awe of her brave invitation. He said he’d see if his friends were up for it, then we said our goodbyes and I assumed we’d never again see Vince or Fred or their clients.

The daily Grill was not nearly as crowded as it had been earlier that day. Ricca's friend had left and apparently everyone else had followed! As we found a table to call our very own, Alex found a stool next to a handsome stranger eating alone at the bar. We ordered a plethora of appetizers: shrimp, calamari, burgers, etc. and a round of drinks which put me two drinks over the original two drinks I had set out to consume. As we waited for the food to arrive, Ernesto noticed what could only be described as a “pocket gay” at the end of the bar. The pocket gay was with a pretty lady friend so Ricca asked them to join us. They were all too happy to oblige and before long the pocket gay was comfortably nuzzled in-between Ernesto and Mike. “Are you a Libra? Oh My God, I’m a Libra. I LOVE Libras!” said the pocket gay as Ernesto laughed in amusement and Mike looked on in disbelief. His pretty lady friend sat next to me and before long she was my new BFF inviting me to the Toscana pool party and the Queen Mary to meet her Husband’s friends. We exchanged numbers and just as she was getting ready to leave, Vince and his posse walked through the door and back into our lives.

Vince took a seat next to me, Fred and his client sat across from us and a big guy in a bright pink shirt sat behind them at the bar looking over all of us as if he was their bodyguard. Turns out Vince is really shy, a man of few words. Fred on the other hand wouldn’t stop talking! From the corner of my eye I saw Alex’s handsome stranger leave and then my attention was directed towards Alex who had just broken into a victory dance in the middle of the bar accompanied by a joyous declaration that she had scheduled a date with the handsome stranger at the bar! As we all cheered for her grand accomplishment, Fred announced that they were going to Tentation and would like for us to join them. I don’t love Tentaion, so we graciously declined and opted to stay where we were. To my complete surprise, Vince also declined and stayed behind talking to me. Suddenly it became clear... Vince liked me. And in typical Mairim fashion, I was suddenly NOT so interested. You know how the more you drink, the more attractive people become. Well, all of the alcohol I was consuming was producing the reverse effect on me and with every sip of wine, Vince was looking not so much like Vince and much more like the ugly soon-to-be-dad in “Knocked Up”. I clearly wouldn’t be getting on the board that night! However, the other end of the table could easily rack up a few points because Pocket Gay was falling deeper and deeper in love with Ernesto and he wasn’t making any attempt to conceal it! Ahhhh, to be little and gay!

Ricca started to dose off. Alex wanted to go home to rest up for impending date. And I was ready to get rid of Vince. Our night was coming to an end. “I hope I don’t get another DUI” said Vince as he got up to leave. Yep, I sure know how to pick them! I walked out with him, gave him a firm handshake and said goodbye to Vince forever.

This morning I went to breakfast with Ernesto and Ricca. We sat inside the Corner Bakery and laughed as we reminisced about Vince, Fred, the handsome stranger at the bar and the pocket gay. “What was Vince’s real name?” asked Ernesto. Dead silence. I completely forgot his name. Well, needless to say I’m still not on the Dating Marathon scoreboard since my romance with Vince proved to be short lived. Maybe next time I’ll meet someone that I actually like as much up close as I do from a far.

Andrew! His real name was Andrew.

A Toast to Y'all...

Six month’s ago I was talked into drinks at Chat Noir by Ricca. We had just returned from Dani’s 30th Birthday weekend in Big Bear where in addition to picking up a snowboard, I picked up Ricca’s severe case of whooping cough. I was going to pass on happy hour at Chat Noir as I was in no condition to go out but I had never been there before and didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to dine at such a fine establishment so I took a shot of Nyquil, threw on my big red coat and headed on over! It was on that fateful day that carpool happy hour was born! Here we are 6 months later and what began as a random pairing of six individuals with a shared passion for libations has turned into a tight circle of friends who can share much more than beer, appetizers and dessert. Thanks guys for welcoming Larry and I into your lives! I’m looking forward to many more carpool happy hours, impromptu gatherings and weekend getaways! :)

I’m Over The Secret

A few months after my failed attempt at happily ever after, I found myself in a downward spiral, so I did what any smart, self-sufficient, logical woman would do… I watched “The Secret” and within a week the “Vision Board” was born.

It’s true that I love a project so on that gloomy January day, I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and set out to turn a corkboard and magazine clippings into a true work of art. I hastily began to rummage thru old magazines in search of images that conjure up emotion and depict where I would like my life to be. A few hours later, I proudly displayed my vision board behind my bedroom door where I could see it every night when I went to bed and early each morning as I got up to start my day. I was convinced it would only be a matter of time before the law of attraction would work its magic and my luck would begin to turn around.

NOTE: The law of attraction states that if you believe something will happen, it will. If you visualize your dreams, they will come true. The video advises you to use the vision board as a daily reminder of what you want so that the universe can deliver it to you. With that being said, I think I’m doing something wrong!

I have spent the last 6 months, believing, visualizing, imagining, dreaming and staring at my vision board to no avail. Not one single idealized vision on that board has manifested itself into my current reality. I have grown tired of waking up each morning to a vision board full of images I am nowhere closer to attaining than I was the day I created it. I have come to a self realization… I’m over “The secret”!

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe the video is powerful enough to motivate and inspire many individuals. And, I give the creator of it much credit for it is no secret that she (yes, she is a woman) has managed to manifest herself into a millionaire. I also still believe there is some truth behind the law of attraction (for how else do you explain certain friends always attracting the exact same type of men) but I think personally, gawking at a vision board serves more as a reminder of all that I DON’T have in my life rather than all of the wonderful things I DO have. So today, I shall send my Vision Board into early retirement and begin to focus on my life in the present tense. I shall no longer long for things I don’t have but rather submerge myself in the solace of all the wonderful things I already posses. I shall set out to discover my own secret to happily ever after and if I’m lucky, the universe just may be willing to lend me a hand.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

For fear of being left out of the loop, I feel that it is time to join my fellow friends and jump aboard the blogging bandwagon! What better time to do this than today, June 1st, the first day of the sixth month of the year. With that being said, let me begin by pointing out the obvious… I have an abundance of free time on my hands! In this chaotic world where people complain of there not being enough hours in the day, I spend my time anxiously awaiting the sun to set so that I can take a sleeping pill, retire to my boudoir and wait for the morning to come just so that I can do it all over again. To most, this hardly seems like a problem as who wouldn’t want to skip work and spend their days lounging in their pjs. But let me tell you, when you have three mortgages to pay and no money coming in, the idea of joining the work force starts looking better and better. I came back from Miami with a real goal… I need to find a way to make enough money to support my lifestyle! I’m a realtor, and although I have 4 listings at the moment (two years ago this would have meant easy money), nothing is selling these days and my once prominent bank account has become almost completely depleted. So as I seek new career options, I’m trying to stay positive and not stress over the uncertainty of my future. Some days are easy, others are hard. Today, I’m just excited at the prospect of Ricca and Mike becoming neighbors! :)